Losing Friends

As I am now a freelance writer, I find keeping friends very difficult to do. I have to exert extra effort to see, talk and be with them for a cup of tea. But it is always a great experience once I am able to connect with them. E. has been myf riend since the 80's. We met at Nairobi, where she was photographing many Filipino women, one of whom was Carlita Doran, the inventress. The latter was putting up her inventions on a small hill and showcasing her solid alcogas which is used for lighting up fondue. Today, Carlita is exporting many of her inventions and is living a fine life.

E and I bcame deeper friends as she became my editor for many articles of mine which I wrote for an Asian news syndicate. Unfortunately, as contributor, I never received any other benefits after writing for so many years, except the fees per article. Yet, my writings were farmed out in the regional newspapers. Worse yet, a leading newspaper in the Philippines would even delete my name and just publish the article without any byline, just the name of the syndicate, a case of jealousy of the editor-in-chief I guess. Another friend D., told me that the ed was jealous of me because my writings were popularly read. Anyway, I was not asking for popularity, never at all until now. To me writing is a duty, an obligation. I prefer being known as a filmmaker, not as a writer.

E and I are still friends and she has retired as a writer, or probably does some other editing stuff now and then. We have tea or coffee in Makati now and then just to update ourselves of our lives.

Another friend was D, also a writer. I had tea with him once. When it was my turn to treat him, he was either too busy, sick, or I was already out of the environment he was in. Anyway, we kept in touch through text messaging. Talking with him is being intellectually stuffy. And I got to write an article well because of his inputs, as the article landed on the front pages of a newspaper. But you know what? His last text to me was very bad. So I did not answer it. He wrote something about being frigid. What? Just because I would not sleep with him or maybe I was too unreceptive to his overtures, then he would hint at my being frigid?

Well, I just kept silent because as far as I am concerned, sexuality is a personal matter and that being intimate with a person is not a fastfood type of activity. Ha ha! Goodness, here in the Philippines, sometimes I seem to get the message that for me to be able to get a favor, I have to come with the package. Yikes! Anyway, I lost D as a fiend already, oops, friend. I don't really fancy dealing with people who are using their writings for hitting at their friends, underhandedly. He should just have come up front and told me what he wants. And maybe I would have said...No, thanks.

Well, another friend I had or probably still has is L. He is a corporate guy, who is very cool. But his world is very narrow and I think he wants me to revolve around his work environment. Now as I am in the middle of helping put up a political party, I don't really find it practical to be involved in his milieu, although the work would be very easy to do. I think I lost him partially because of my refusal.

He is nice and he reminds me of a friend I had in London, very prim and proper, and who is calculating of his moves, but terribly, terribly busy, as in BUSY. But actually, it was just a ruse. He did not fancy being over friendly with someone who would leave his country later on.

Well, friends are nice at particular periods of one's life. They perk up the dull periods, and inspire you to live from day to day. I guess I have to know first what I want in a friend, before I take on another one.

What do you think? I will dream on that.