Missing

Today, I missed going to the meeting of the Partido Pandaigdigang Pilipino, an Overseas Filipino Workers party. The choice of venue is very far from my home, and I need to come home right away because the traffic along the way gets very bad as the night deepens

Alex and Susie would have been there and many others, at Dampa a restaurant near the international airport. The place is historic -- imagine a restaurant by that site where the OFWs depart from the country to their work destinations. It is truly a great loss not being able to join them, especially the two whom I just encounter now and then writing emails under the PPP e-group

Actually, everytime I open my PPP email, I feel a burning sensation in my heart, as if I am scooping millions of bleeding hearts -- bleeding from having to uproot themselves from the land of their birth, bleeding from having to separate from their meaningful relationshis, and bleeding for being forced to take on a new hat (or brain) to serve in a foreign culture.

The Philippines is rich in natural resources, yet majority are poor and have to go abroad to support their families back home. What is lacking in our country is that push to every Filipino woman, man, or just plain Filipino human being to start a business. Why can't every bank offer good loans, no collateral without burdening the borrower with requirements like having a fat bank account? In other countries, the government provides start-up capital, but here, the only capital that is sure to make you millions is when you sink it in politics, get elected and sit in Congress to draw millions of funded projects of the government. Some officials literally take that as their fortune.

Back to the meeting. Roger has drawn up a lon list of agenda, and mine should have been the website. I am ready to share my researches on this but then certain things held me up, very personal yet affects my whole being, my roots. I simply cannot turn my back at the weak health of my mother now. I have experience her not recognizing me and mistaking me for another person. I had to concoct going out and then asking the maid to introduce me to her so that she would address me as Emma. Oh how I missed her normal moments. Last night, the 9th of December 07, she suffered from a stroke. I massaged her face and head very hard to bring back the blood on it Then, I applied virgin coconut oil with goji berry juice on her head, the palms of her hands and the soles of her feet Slowly she began talking normally again. All throughout her sleep, she kept calling her mother, "Nay, Nay" and this morning she dreamed of a woman-business partner of hers who in real life, developed a relationship with her driver. That woman had asked her to join her and her paramour to go night swimming but she demurred. By the way the woman was married to a congressman.

This afternoon, my mother asked to be bathed to feel fresh again. Ah, my mother is back on earth.

First steps to Alzheimer's disease? How many OFWs are given tips on how to deal with mental health? I hope that when their term ends abroad and they return home, their families would still be able enjoy their company, their healthy company for a long, long time.

And so to the participants at the meeting. My heart and mind go with you. I will make sure to be available next time. Emma

REVIVAL

I never imagined I could ever revive my blog With so many political goings-on in my country, and then my email nearly getting lost (I changed my password last Saturday and could not access it afterwards), I was ready to give up on my communication with the outside world. Funny isn't it how a simple lost email could rouse deep anxieties and frustrations over having a meaningful existence in this world Have I become techno-mad that I would lose my foothold on this earth without access to technologies? No I don't think so Right now, I think my mind is just saddled with taking care of my 91 year old mother.

A woman's husband in a community is comatose and has been in the hospital for nearly 4 months She knew that it would take a very long time, almost heroic proportions to bring him back to normal. So also, I knew that her moroseness and loneliness were caused by his absence. Yet, I asked her pointblank, how could you feel so when this man had been shouting at you, cursing your children by your first husband and belittling every business efforts you would make to tide over the family's needs She happened to be the family breadwinner and the man only her assistant to her transactions, yet had equal ownership of every profitable venture that she had been able to rake.

My mother is different though. She is easy to teach than that other woman When she told me that this 23rd would be her saddest birthday since her husband had passed away, I told her that she can always greet herself, a happy birthday Nobody ruled that people should always celebrate their birthdays with other people In fact my most memorable celebration of my birthday was when I went toa resort and spent great time looking at the horizon, sitting down underneath a coconut tree, drinking beer and writing down my thoughts, what I had been or had achieved in the past year and my future plans. Am I being westernized in that sense? In a way yes, but I can imagine our indigenous tribes allowing their members to be the same -- reflective of their existence For example, I have seen a child in the high mountains of T'boli tribes in South Cotabato, Southern Philippines, playing with his leaf whistle while in front of a vast field of green ricestalks. I think he had been there for more than an hour and had been fascinated by whistling and seeing the birds around him. He must have been communicating with them as well.

Here or there, east or west? It does not really matter I guess what is important is that we feel whole, together and human.